Dealing with insecurities (part 3)

In my teenage years, I used to dislike everything about my body image. I always held a vivid picture of what I was supposed to look like in my mind. A totally different and perfected version of myself. Each time I looked in the mirror I would be brought back to reality, and would hate my body even more. I began to envy all of my other peers who seemed to have the body that I wanted. I would get angry at myself for having the body that I had. It was an internal war that I was constantly faced with and battled with.

The harder I tried to lose the weight, the more weight I gained. I would try all the tricks and hacks in the book, but nothing seemed to work. Chasing after this body in my mind was so much work, work I was not willing to do, work I was not willing to endure. It became so draining, I stopped making any efforts to pursue the body that I so desired, instead I did all that took me further away from that body. This led me to be even angry at myself for letting myself down and putting in no effort at all.

I never showed or expressed the battle with my body on the external. It was an internal battle. Externally, I exuded confidence and contentment when it came to my body. Internally, I was insecure and discontent.

It took a lot of patience, a lot of self-introspection, a lot of self-love and self-trust. I needed time, a space to reflect and realise. It took a period of isolation, self-discovery and suffering.

I started melting down to who I was, who I was becoming, holistically. I accepted myself, my body and all of me.

My body is only a part of me, I, as a whole, consist of different parts. My physical body may be what the world perceives first, but it is not a full representation of myself. In here lies my personality, in here lies my voice, my mind, my imagination, my soul, my inner self. My body is not my entirety.

What I want for my body is health and for it to reach its full potential, not another body’s potential. What I want for my body is everything I wish on every aspect of myself, wellbeing.

To everyone going through body issues:

Your body is yours. Your body is a part of you. Be patient with yourself. Accept it. Discover it before other bodies. Discover yourself. Love it as it is.

It is a journey.

Take care.